Stimulating….

I’m kind of having a hard time, Now that I know that I have adhd and that my brain functions best when stimulated I can recognize what my problem is and talk myself through it for the most part. I go get out of the house, drive around, window shop, get some food, start yet another project etc, etc. But in general the stimulating things I do involve money, and or food if not sitting on my butt in front of something electronic.

I’m BORED and I can’t make myself do anything productive. There are plenty of boring things I can and probably should do but I’m just like ‘eh’ I’ll keep staring at this computer screen instead. Hell I could just go to bed, it’s late, I’m kinda tired, but that’s not how Kathryn operates.

I generally consider myself to be thrifty and fairly frugal, BUT now that I’m sitting here with $0 I can spend on anything, 0 gallons of gas I can waste and a uterus full of baby I don’t want to hop up on adderall I’m really at a loss. I’m realizing how money I actually do waste when I get in moods like this. I don’t know how to get over this hump with any grace.

(Source: healthfact, via fatfitgirl)

Climbing Mountains

I complain and feel sorry for myself a lot. I hate that I’m going on 30, going on 2 kids, married and living with my parents. I hate that I can’t make money and be home with my kids at the same time. I also hate the person that misery is making me. I’ve spent months sulking and whining and wishing for praying for things I feel entitled to. I’ve grown bitter and my surroundings have gotten dark. I’m depressed and I’ve put myself here. I keep waiting and hoping for someone to come along and save me, to pull me out of this darkness, hand me what I need, kiss me on the forehead and take care of everything.

Well it ain’t gonna happen

Life is hard. There’s no way around it and unless I choose to take a cowardly and selfish way out of it I need to just suck it up and push along. I believe that this life is a learning ground, where we are tested and pushed and polished. Where we learn to be the best that we can, there are so many life lessons that my young naive self hasn’t even scratched the surface of yet and that scares the hell out of me. There are so many things I don’t want to experience that I’m almost afraid of moving forward because of what challenge I might face next.

Perspective

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imbourbon:

By David Olenick

I want these poster sized on the wall in my kitchen!

(via punkybreester)

primalfitbody:

And why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.
Fitness Motivation / Fitness Blog - Follow for more!

primalfitbody:

And why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Fitness Motivation / Fitness Blog - Follow for more!

google earth project

woot woot!

I officially have a website!

kickingass-at-recovery-deactiva said: I could relate sooooo much to your post! Wow. I guess maybe... Take it one day at a time starting tomorrow? We can always start exercising and throw the diet mentally, it's just hard but it's possible.

I decided that I’m just gonna take up some fun hobbies that are physical and try to focus on not emotionally eating. As much as I hate my body right now I’ve come to realize that hating it has only made my issues worse and the number on the scale get higher. I’m never gonna be a gym rat, or a health food nut. So trying to make those lifestyle changes has just put me in a state of misery wondering if I had what it was gonna take to make it work, and I don’t cuz ultimately that’s not what I want. I want to be happy and healthy and comfortable in my own skin. I want to have the physical ability to run and jump and climb without feeling like I’m gonna die, I want to find clothes that I like, that fit. But I also want to be able to go out with my friends and eat pizza and burgers and friggin pasta without worrying.

I don’t care about my BMI or my exact weight or clothing size, but I do care about my health and ruining my mental health so that I can (attempt) to shrink to a healthy physical standard is counter productive and I wont do it anymore.

new year is coming… (this is long by the way!)

…which reminds me of the pounds I haven’t lost and more importantly how miserable I am about it. I’m definitely damaged. I’ve been reading a lot about body acceptance, self esteem and the like and it’s brought up some statistics, for example I read that most girls by age 10 have already tried to lose weight.

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on another note…

I was watching tv with Scott and they mentioned an overweight man who was 5’5” and weighed 260lbs the characters on tv commented that he was over weight, then Scott replied with “that’s a friggin’ blob”

… thanks hubby cuz your wife, who’s sitting next to you is 5’5” and currently 280…

feelin’ the self esteem tonight!

today…

I saw someone who has 2 kids, one a very cute 2 year old girl and the other and equally adorable 5 year old boy. She was handing out cookies and gave 2 cookies to each kid (there was a large group) except for her 2 year old girl, she got one cookie and extra carrots. I don’t know her motives, but it made me sad

hahahaha my history teacher played this clip in class on wednesday cuz we were learning about serfs and feudalism, he must be on tumblr haha

(Source: wrong-url-motherfucker, via neffnee-kadiwwo)

kathrynanderton:

rough draft mock up for my portfolio site… what do you guys think? I’d love a critique

hey guys I’m reblogging myself here, but I have more followers on this blog and I’d love some feed back!

kathrynanderton:

rough draft mock up for my portfolio site… what do you guys think? I’d love a critique

hey guys I’m reblogging myself here, but I have more followers on this blog and I’d love some feed back!

liftingandcats:

I have no idea where this is from, but her fucking face and then he’s just eating that like a fucking chicken drum holy shit oh my fucking god hahahhah

this is perfect! I would have so much respect if Scott did this to me. Especially if he was also mowing down on it.

(Source: goshmarielle, via punkybreester)